Pale Penelope

Inspiration

2011-12-30T14:41:00.000-08:00

Rooney Mara is the perfect blend of vulnerable and strong in Girl with the dragon tattoo. My interest peaked and led my to the brilliantly plotted and beautiful paced novels by Steig Larsson.

2011-11-19T14:44:00.000-08:00

Fashion show night tonight.

2011-11-10T21:36:00.000-08:00

How can someone believe they go to heaven when they are a mere cell of the earth. The earth a mere cell of the universe. The universe the cell of perhaps god's body. Do they believe each one of their cells goes to heaven, a magical, spiritual state? Your cells who live like you do for the earth? Where does the cell stop and the body begin? You are a cell that believes in heaven, but how can that exist if your own cells do not go there?

2011-11-05T19:14:00.000-07:00

Last day until first semester of college is over!

2011-10-21T22:50:00.001-07:00

Went to visit the homeless today...I saw a shaded figure in a wheel chair come through the line for food. She had a ball cap on and at least two coats. I started to hand her the meal when she looked up at me with the eyes of an angel. She was one of the most beautiful girls I had ever seen. How could she be homeless? Honestly she must not be able to afford make-up or nice clothes, but she managed to take my breath away. I wish I told her broken spirit how much I thought of her, but she was gone. I barely made out her figure as she vanished down an alleyway. Every beautiful thing, act, and person deserves to know how much they are worth. For beauty is light and truly is a "joy forever".

Books every poetic heart should long to read

2011-10-19T20:27:00.000-07:00

1. "There, on the soft sand, a few feet away from our elders, we would sprawl all morning, in a petrified paroxysm of desire, and take advantage of every blessed quirk in space and time to touch each other: her hand, half-hidden in the sand, would creep toward me, its slender brown fingers sleepwalking nearer and nearer; then, her opalescent knee would start on a long cautious journey; sometimes a chance rampart built by younger children granted us sufficient concealment to graze each other's salty lips; these incomplete contacts drove our healthy and inexperienced young bodies to such a state of exasperation that not even the cold blue water, under which we still clawed at each other, could bring relief."
- Vladimir Nabokov, Lolita

2."But let there be spaces in your togetherness and let the winds of the heavens dance between you. Love one another but make not a bond of love: let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls."
- Khalil Gibran, The Prophet

3. "My love keeps growing more passionate and egoistic, while his is waning and waning, and that's why we're drifting apart." She went on musing. "And there's no help for it. He is everything for me, and I want him more and more to give himself up to me entirely. And he wants more and more to get away from me. We walked to meet each other up to the time of our love, and then we have been irresistibly drifting in different directions. And there's no altering that. He tells me I'm insanely jealous, and I have told myself that I am insanely jealous; but it's not true. I'm not jealous, but I'm unsatisfied. But..." she opened her lips, and shifted her place in the carriage in the excitement, aroused by the thought that suddenly struck her. "If I could be anything but a mistress, passionately caring for nothing but his caresses; but I can't and I don't care to be anything else. And by that desire I rouse aversion in him, and he rouses fury in me, and it cannot be different. Don't I know that he wouldn't deceive me, that he has no schemes about Princess Sorokina, that he's not in love with Kitty, that he won't desert me! I know all that, but it makes it no better for me. If without loving me, from duty, he'll be good and kind to me, without what I want, that's a thousand times worse than unkindness! That's – hell! And that's just how it is. For a long while now he hasn't loved me. And where love ends, hate begins."
- Leo Tolstoy, Anna Karenina

4. "Oftentimes I say to myself, "Thou alone art wretched: all other mortals are happy, none are distressed like thee!" Then I read a passage in an ancient poet, and I seem to understand my own heart. I have so much to endure! Have men before me ever been so wretched?"
- Goethe, The Sorrows of Young Werther

5. “The Heart is a lonely hunter with only one desire! To find some lasting comfort in the arms of anothers fire...driven by a desperate hunger to the arms of a neon light, the heart is a lonely hunter when there's no sign of love in sight!”
― Carson McCullers, The Heart is a Lonely Hunter

What to do when there is nothing to do

2011-09-27T12:02:00.000-07:00

* Imagine you are wearing a crown with a veil that is your favorite color, imagine this veil encompassing you and warming your heart. Embrace the silence of the moment.

* Pail your nails. But not the average one shade, or the switch off colors each finger, if you really have nothing to do surely you have time to make your nails a piece of art. Paint eyeballs on each nails, glue mini pearls or shells.

* Go to a cafe or store you've never been to and talk in a foreign accent. Don't smile, make sure to memorize a few key phrases and mumble them under your breath.

* Take time to practice deportment. Ever seen a beautiful girl that slouches terribly? Or a girl you don't have the taste for but there is something so beautiful about her? She probably exhibits great deportment and self-care. Walk around with the stomach in, the head high, the neck back, and shoulders back. Practice softness. Do it around the house when no one is looking and get in the habit.

* Lounge around in the sunlight wearing nothing but your finest jewels. Sip on tea in your best china and eat macaroons while listening to 18th century music. Pamper the shit out of yourself.

* Go through your mom, sisters, and/or grandma's old treasures and keep a box of your own.

* Ride your bike around town wearing sunglasses and a scarf. The hipster on the park bench outside the local cafe will probably write a poem about you.

* Maybe this is just me..and I'm not a psycho, but sometimes it's fun to follow people. Just find someone interesting and see what they are like and what they do, just practice observing and drown in the mystery of this person. But um stop eventually.

* Do you're guilty pleasures...Mine include watching reality T.V. >.<; *Shame*

* Create. Create. Create. There is nothing better in this world than the sacred act of creating. Paint, write, sculpt, dance, design, dream. Put a piece of yourself out there. Do it for you. If you have trouble getting started, just say the truth. Like Hemmingway suggested, just write one true line at a time. I believe this works for all art forms. Just create something that is true and it will beautiful.

Me and My Kawaii Bunny

2011-09-26T13:57:00.000-07:00

2011-09-21T16:09:00.000-07:00

A l'interieur de mon coeur est un fleur. Je la regarde fleurir. La plupart des fleurs meurent. Mais le mien va fleurir eternellement.

Meaning

2011-09-09T21:03:00.000-07:00

I was having one of those "my life has no direction" days when I stumbled upon a dusty book on my shelf called 1,000 Beautiful Things, it is special edition and looks like it is from the 1940's or 50's I got it at antique shop yeas ago...I turned to the first page and it was quotes on "Quests" that really gave my perspective a face-lift.

"We value great men by their virtue and not success." - Nepos

"Self-reverence, self-knowledge, self-control, these three alone lead life to sovereign power." - Tennyson

"There is no beautifier of complexion, or form, or behavior, like the wish to scatter joy and not pain around us." - Virgil

"Every man has within himself a continent of undiscovered character. Happy is he who proves the Columbus of his soul." - Goethe

"Why should we be in such desperate haste to succeed and in such desperate enterprises? If man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured or far away." - Thoreau

"We learn wisdom from failure much more than from success." - Smiles

"If any man seeks for greatness, let him forget greatness and ask for truth, and he will find both." Horace Mann

"To be what we are, and to become what we are capable of becoming, is the only end of life." Spinoza

SoLocal

2011-09-09T21:00:00.001-07:00

Spent the night supporting local art with my lovely friend Emily =>.<= She is seriously precious!

A List of Things You Should Buy Yourself

2011-09-09T12:39:00.000-07:00

In the end you are the one who has to deal with yourself, so you might as well start loving yourself now to make the ride a little easier. Here are some things I personally make a habit of doing for myself to brighten my day and keep my heart happy and my mind fresh. None of these things have to be expensive, but I personally budget "happy heart" expenses into my monthly allowance (ironically I have mild heart murmurs that run in my family, but you know what I mean..). No one wants to be around a "sour-puss" all week.

Monday- I like to go to a local flower shop and buy pink roses. Pink roses are not only my favorite for their beauty, but generally mean "admiration and appreciation." A perfect gift for yourself to start off the week.

Tuesday- When I was in high-school (like two months ago >.<) I remember saving my lunch money all week so on friday I could walk to downtown main street and buy an inspiring piece of art. I still support local art and try to buy pieces from local artists that will help me surround myself with things that remind me of my "world" that I create each day. And I'm sure the locals will give you a good price and appreciate the support.

Wednesday- A cup a' Joe. Or tea (Jasmine/Rose tea!). Anything that's warm and gives you that cuddly feeling all over. Some people reach for cigarettes when they are stressed or need a "fix", but I have my tea. I'm an addict. I have shelves dedicated to this precious substance. However, it is so much more fun to go to a coffee shop and pretend to read while you secretly stare at the cute workers (people who work at coffee shops are always cute no matter where you live, I don't know why) another pleasure all in itself.

Thursday- Get out of the house day. I try to take a yoga or dance class on this day, make sure it is challenging (I recommend any ballet class with a Russian as the instructor, I'm Russian so I can say that) if you don't feel better after the class you'll at least be in enough physical pain to forget about your problems.

Friday- Put the sunshine on someone else. Buy cute stationary and send grandma a card. Or donate some time or money at the local shelter and have your heart warmed by little kittens (warning: don't wear ANYTHING you actually want to wear again). Letting the light shine helps others and heals you.

Saturday- I personally can't go a week without buying a book. Literally. However, I hardly remember the last time I bought a book new. It's just....no fun. I like the marked pages and vintage covers. I own so many of "the classics" and bought almost all of them for only a couple dollars at a local bookstore. I read a quote somewhere that said "The only thing different about yourself now and yourself a year from now are the people you know and books you've read." This really influenced me to want to read and develop my mind even further.

Sunday- Something that contributes to an outlet of expression. Sunday is the day off. Go out to a park and write a poem, or contribute to a collection of art supplies by getting a new shade of paint or some new india ink pens, a lot of supplies are cheap and make a big difference to your work. I try and get one or two new colors a week for my oil paint collection and now I have tons to work with. Plus a feeling can be channeled in two major ways: creating and destroying. 99% of "sour-pussness" can be solved by just creating out of what you feel.

Have a great week!

2011-09-08T13:18:00.000-07:00

You can find cute stuff at thrift stores don't let anyone ever tell you different! I adore my new bow sweatshirt..sure I didn't make any friends at school..but I had a lot of fun wearing it!

How to cultivate a Jardin de Secret

2011-09-06T11:00:00.000-07:00

The french have a concept the Americans do not, this is the "Jardin de Secret." This is a rare concept to our culture called "keeping things to ourselves", you know, cultivating a little mystery. French women are of great fascination to me because they are more self-contained, which gives the impression that they are far more mysterious and sexy than most of their American counterparts.

This secret garden is one of her many tools to keeping that beauty and mystery in their everyday lives. It is a fantasy or a state of being that she can always visit. But most importantly, it is her secret. affair she may feel compelled to tell the world about it. She might tell her group of friends or ask advice from the store clerk, or chat about her distressing love life with a bartender. But with the french woman it is not so. She keeps her secrets close to her heart so they may resinate there and let that sexy humm pulse throughout her whole body. It makes life more interesting, more sexy, and more fun to keep a part of yourself, just for yourself. It creates an internal world that feeds your own psyche. This internal world breeds confidence and self-esteem, it really gives a kick in your boot. She doesn't need to tell a man, or even her mom about her every encounter that day, or if someone complimented her shoes, she doesn't hang on all of her lover's words and she keeps out the cookie-cutter parts of her day from him. Her man can't quite grasp her, he feels like she has more important things non her mind than an anniversary present. She has not abandoned herself to the relationship. Which is very, very sexy. Even when they spend time together she is free. The secret garden is where she can go to be intelectually, spiritually, and sensually free. This will keep a relationship alive. When keeping your individual free spirit you are always offering new things to one another and there are always surprises. And if a relationship does not work you have the independence and freedom to perservere.

A woman with nothing to discover is not sexy.

Here are some Jardin de Secret Ideas (This list is a mixture of my own ideas and from Jamie Cat Callan's book "French Women Don't Sleep Alone":

1. Join a club secretly.

2. Start a new hobby no one knows about but you.

3. Read a book alone in a subject no one knows you enjoy.

4. Find a new cafe that is your own secret place.

5. Go to a matinee and don't tell anyone.

6. Don't tell your lover about all of your adventures.

7. Read the Kama Sutra, but pretend like you were born knowing.

8. Take a train trip for the day, but tell no one where you are going.

9. Wear an attractive wig to a new place that no one knows you.

10. Learn a new language and use it in front of your lover.

Daze goes by

2011-09-06T10:53:00.000-07:00

2011-09-01T17:48:00.000-07:00

I always wanted to immortalize my boobs, kind of like the portraits you see at the MOMA or the Met. Kind of. But it was on my life checklist and finally I got to check one of those suckers off. A mutual friend of mine and Wayne Coyne's from the flaming lips hooked me on a gig for promoting his new tour and I had a fantastic time shooting some artsy videos and posters for the show. He shot this photo of me a month later wearing the shirt at his house when it came out and I really adore it! Cannot wait to get backstage at the next show, their music makes me feel so energized.

2011-09-01T17:23:00.000-07:00

Let people have their religion. Let them have their doubts. But still I stand by the quote -

"Life is not a problem to be solved, but a mystery to be lived."

I have been told the orgins of this quote were by a dutch painter, I've been told it was spoken by an old man in China, and I believed it was by the great poet Rilke. But nevertheless this quote is my sanctuary. People live day-to-day thinking they either know what will occur after death or they will somehow find the answer before they go. But truth prevails and us mere mortals will never know the answer until the adventure begins. I hope it's an adventure. I hope it's like swimming inside the womb of the universe. But these are mere hopes. And many fail to see how frail the small flicker of life is. Irregardless we need not solve the "problem" of death but succumb to it. To breathe the problem. Maybe then we can find peace.

Mysterious Artist

2011-08-21T11:41:00.001-07:00

These are all beautiful art pieces by the old blogger "Boys Who Blush". I used to read her posts dutifully but one day she just...disappeared. Her art completely changed my own style of art and her aesthetic still resonates very deep with me.

Twentysomething magazine Photo shoot!

2011-08-17T10:37:00.000-07:00

The photo shoot was 1920's theme and I got to be a flapper girl in a bar. The issue comes our September first!

Doll Face

2011-08-13T22:39:00.000-07:00

I accidentally stumbled upon the most glorious doll-maker. I wish I was more handy, this would be such a lovely career. Her name is Black Eyed Suzie. I think she has a lovely aesthetic and reminds me instantly of any Tim Burton film. I can't wait to get my hands on one of the dolls. Although I've never been extremely attached to any doll in my life seeing her works of art make me want one so terribly. Something about them is so eerie and beautiful, not to mention each one of them make great style inspirations.

Perfect Painting Playlist

2011-08-13T19:10:00.002-07:00

Here lay a few songs that get me in the mood for an evening of painting...assuming you like to be in a bit of a melancholic temperament when you paint.

1. 13 Angels Standing Guard Round the Side of your Bed - Thee Silver Mt. Zion Memorial Orchestra

2. Chocolate Lovely - Amon Tobin

3. Exploration - Bruno Coulais (Coraline Soundtrack)

4. When I Grow Up - Fever Ray

5. Ara Batur - Sigur Ros

6. Vanished - Crystal Castles

7. Loud Pipes - Ratatat

8. Pompeii Am Götterdämmerung - Flaming Lips

9. Prelude from Bach's Cello Suite No. 1

10. Lost - Pogo

Words That Do Not Belong

2011-08-13T19:10:00.001-07:00

"Toska: (Russian): roughly translated as sadness, melancholia, lugubriousness."

"No single word in English renders all the shades of toska. At its deepest and most painful, it is a sensation of great spiritual anguish, often without any specific cause. At less morbid levels it is a dull ache of the soul, a longing with nothing to long for, a sick pining, a vague restlessness, mental throes, yearning. In particular cases it may be the desire for somebody of something specific, nostalgia, love-sickness. At the lowest level it grades into ennui, boredom."
— Vladimir Nabokov

Waldeinsamkeit (German): the feeling of being alone in the woods

"I do not count the hours I spend
In wandering by the sea;
The forest is my loyal friend,
Like God it useth me..."

-Ralph Waldo Emerson

Who am I? Am I?

2011-08-13T19:08:00.001-07:00

Pale Penelope is the story of a girl who dreams in French and watches the moon set in a secret garden no one knows of. She dances like a nymphet in the thundering rain. She talks to trees and makes friends with flowers. And she drinks a cup of rose tea at every dawn. Always shy, and always thinking, she observes the world with two very different colored lenses, while always questioning which of them is right.

About

This blog is meant to be like a cup of tea, a small pleasure that reminds you of the enigmatic beauty of the world and leaves you energized and inspired. It is a series of memories, nightmares, guides, and everyday beauties to refresh the mind and cleanse the soul. It’s a small leap into the world of Penelope, a girl who never gets enough vitamin D. I’m not a professional, I’m not a genius, I’m just a girl hoping what I see as beautiful will make you happy.